Dear Stupid Toothbrush Fan,

As a member of the Official Stupid Toothbrush Fan Club, you are receiving your August 
2000/May 2002 copy of "Brushing Up", the official band newsletter. We are proud to say this 
is our ninth online issue. The publishers are billing this type of interaction as "our 
biannual acknowledgment that we do, in fact, have fans."

This newsletter contains updates, concert plans and info on the band and its flunkies. If 
you are not interested in receiving this newsletter, contact Matt Zorich at 
78-78657-09k87f678 La Figla Calle, Napoli, Italia.



BAND UPDATE
Stupid Toothbrush's unplanned four-year hiatus will end this June when 
Matt is discharged from the nation's Heavily Armed Floating Tempest Of Ignorance.... 
AKA The U.S. Navy. Matt and Joe have not seen each other since the spring of 2001 when 
the band briefly reunited at Tommy's Place in Athens and performed live at Night Court. 
Night Court closed its doors two months later. Rumors abound that Joe will be in LA when 
Matt pulls into port. Said Joe, "I'm so happy. Finally I get to see Maricela again and her 
husband." Matt briefly considered giving the Air Force a shot, just to see if he missed out 
on anything, but after a long and thorough decision-making process decided, "Nah."



LIFTING THE NATION'S SPIRITS
Matt and Joe have done their part to lift the nation's spirits these last few months. At 
the request of Attorney General John Ashcroft, the band sped up the release of its latest 
album "Red, White and Boobs," which was due for release on July 4th but instead will be 
available on May 1st. U.S. intelligence operatives plan to use the album to flush Osama 
bin Laden out of hiding by blaring it full-bore into Afghanistan's craggy terrain. Said 
Matt, "This is something we're really proud of. We recorded this on different continents. 
Joe would sing his take on a song and I would sing mine. Then our computer, FLONEX 2000, 
melded the recordings together for the perfect song."

Sample lyric from "My Country Tits of Thee":

Joe: Her purple mountains majesty
Matt: Rock the titty, rock the titty!
Joe: Above her fruited plane
Matt: Twist 'em with my fingers and flick 'em! Boing-oing-oing! Yeah!



MY KIND OF TOWN
Last weekend marked the largest gathering of STB band members and flunkies since the Zorich 
Nuptials in the spring of 2000 when Joe, Tom, BA, Kevin, Smoose, Yoders, Jolley, Frank and 
Holly and others gathered in Chicago to party at Holly's and take in a Cubs game.

The weekend started innocently on Friday night at Holly's, where three women and 14 men 
gathered to listen to Buffett and try not to act gay. Twelve minutes into the party BA and 
Joe were slow dancing together. Some witnesses swear it was more sweet than awkward when BA 
rested his head on Joe's shoulder during A Pirate Looks at 40.

On Saturday the gang battled Old Man Winter at Wrigley Field during the 
Cubs-Reds game, and Old Man Winter won by jumping out to a 9-0 lead in the first inning. The 
STB-laden group stayed warm by imbibing manyadult beverages. Except for Joe and BA, who 
seemed too lost in their slow dancing to even care about the cold. It's like they were the 
only ones in the ballpark, and the man was playing the pipe organ just for them. Sigh.



TAKING CARE OF (BAND) BUSINESS
In less gay band news, Brushing Up welcomes new subscriber Jen Jones. 
The band may remember Jen from her days at Ohio U. as an executive with the University 
Programming Council. Jen was personally responsible for "keeping Stupid Toothbrush at least 
300 yards away from any and all university-sponsored entertainment events."

Groupie-In-Chief Holly Simpson welcomes Jen into her new role as "band aid". The move allows
Holly more time to pursue the always-challenging task of finding women (or whatever, really)
that want to sleep with the band and its cohorts, while Jones focuses on some of Holly's 
former tasks, such as tying Matt's shoes (over, under and through the loop, repeat) as well 
as cutting the crust off of Joe's bologna and ketchup sandwiches. Said Jen, "I promise not 
to get all Yoko on everyone as long as you give me complete and total control of the band 
and its earnings." Responded Matt, "I already like her better than all of Joe's past 
girlfriends." ...

In other news, Matt dissolved the band for 20 minutes on March 28th, just because he could. 
Joe moved quickly to replace Matt with an angry, shaven monkey, but when Matt saw record 
sales immediately skyrocket, he begged back into the band. The shaven monkey has resurrected
his career with a Bananarama cover band called "Dixie Chiquitas." ...



LETTER
Dear Editor,
Two years between issues? You jags. I'd ask for my money back, but it's free. Still, gimme 
some money. Jags.

Mike Smoose, DeKalb, Ill.

Dear Mike,
Now that the government has decided to continue our funding, we plan on publishing regularly.
 And once we finally get the much-needed appropriations for our new biological weapons 
plant/recording studio, we expect circulation to skyrocket. Especially when we change the 
name of our newsletter from "Brushing Up" to "Subscribe Or Perish, Knaves!" Later this fall 
look for "Subscribe Or Perish, Knaves! For Teens!!" Our first issue will cover the mysterious 
illness and resulting deaths of three of the four boy bands.

Questions ... contact the publisher at homerj39@hotmail.com. Please, feel free to submit 
some copy for the next issue.